I’ve been lusting after this orange fabric since the spring.  After endless internal debate about what to make out of it I finally settled on pillowcases.  I saved cash by extending with the amy butler mums from daisy chain.  This way I only had to buy a yard and a quarter at $17.50 a pop, that took a nice chunk off the price.

My friend Bertie who’s studio I was sewing in lost a nephew today.  As I was composing the photos I noticed that in the background was a little painting I made after my friend Bodie disappeared.  The introduction of vibrant living fabric caused me to remember the  memorial that is always there.  It’s funny how loss can be so consuming like orange and mint pillowcases, or live with us every day and not be noticed in our internal and external landscape.

Parenting is selfless.  For days, weeks, years on end we shed all manner of introspection to nurture and raise our offspring.  I had a little time to myself this weekend to paint and putz and do what ever I darn well pleased.  It occurred to me that perhaps it was high time to take a self portrait.  As soon as I woke up this morning I made Ryder go out to the garden and take photos of me.  I wanted to capture “me” at my least self conscious.  My early morning visit to the garden is the place where my self comes out.  It is a time and place where I am unhindered by a day of thoughts, interactions and expectations.  I am my biological self here, the me that can’t separate itself from petals, chlorophyll and dew.

My second agenda was to document the skirt.  I’d seen this daisy fabric quite some time ago and really wanted a gardeny, vintagy wrap skirt made out of it.  I mean what gardener doesn’t want to wear her garden all the time?  The skirt was supposed to be simple to sew, but it turned out to be tricky.  Bertie was kind enough to help me with it and I can’t thank her enough for more or less sewing it for me!   Aside from the daisy and squash blossom vibe of the fabric, I had hoped that the 50’s shape would play down my length and feminize me a bit.  While I am wearing it I feel very swishy and Alice in Wonderland.  However, when I saw the photos I realized that I simply am what I am.  Perhaps I should be less self conscious of my wingspan and consider myself lucky that I have arms which can retrieve almost anything that might be hiding just out of reach in the summer garden.

For the past month I’ve been eyeing the bag of buckwheat groats when I dig through our nest of bulk grains and legumes.  The groats have beckoned in their green auburn way and my fingers slip past to the safety of lentils.  Each time I pushed them away, the details of preparation distant and hazy.  I hedged around adding water and boiling for fear of remembering all the events that lay between then and now.

Sometimes we are compelled to do what matters.  My proverbial “grain hit the pot” when I found out that Sterling’s daughter was in the hospital awaiting heart surgery.  I am a really spontaneous person, so I’ve never been much good at signing up to bring food on schedules or fitting into other routines of suburban life.  However, when old friends are in trouble my inner lioness takes over, psychological blocks are drop kicked and hot cakes hit the griddle!

Sterling kept everyone up to date on Facebook.  As the week progressed I couldn’t help ignoring my urge to fry up buckwheat griddle cakes and rush them to Lucille Packard.  Since the recipe remained hazy, just out of reach in my subconscious I was forced to perform a kitchen brain intervention.  I purposefully shoved fresh basil, garlic and pine nuts into the food processor in an attempt to loosen the ingredients from my mind.  Some bits came to me…sage?…maybe dill?  Finally I turned to old kitchen spattered cookbooks.  I flipped through the pages to see if any of the spills or recipe shapes spawned a memory.  Finally I found it, Red Lentil Cakes with Garlic and Sage from Savoring the Day by Judith Ben Hurley.  Needless to say my version of this recipe is far from the original, but it was what Sterling needed, so I was determined to reconstruct!

1 cup buckwheat groats
½ cup quinoa
1 heaping teaspoon of yellow miso
3 cups water
Combine and boil on medium heat for 20 minutes or till the mixture has no water left

Dice
Sage leaves to taste 2 to 4 Tbs
1 red onion
1 clove garlic
Saute till wilted
Combine cooked grains, and sauteed vegetables/sage in the food processor.  Pulse a few times till the mixture is partially ground and feels sticky.
I also added a cup of cooked garbanzos, but I think it would work without.

One meager handful of batter compresses into the right size cake.
Fry liberally with lots of olive oil!

I usually serve these cakes piled with barely steamed summer squash, sunflower sprouts and a yogurt lemon tahini sauce.  I did not have the ingredients to make the sauce this time, so Sterling made due with some lemon and sour cream.  I will add the sauce to this post next time I make it.

Sterling said the following about the meal, “amazing the restorative power of food made with love!”  As usual she hit the nail on the head.  We do what matters when love is involved.  We are driven by love to work through life and collaborate in the healing process.  Sterling and her family’s need for immediate survival prompted me to “clean house”, to examine an ingredient heaped in personal baggage, and to “restore” buckwheat to its proper place in the forefront of our pantry.