Mountain School Culmination Project Subject: Write about YOU – have you changed? Have your expectations for your child changed or stayed the same?
The funny thing about you is that even when life around you changes, you remain adamantly the same. Every day I expect you to change. Yet you remain the exact same personality that introduced himself in the earliest weeks after conception. Your steadfast will and self actualized demeanor resound in every house, field and train set you inhabit. You are a charming and faithful sidekick to friends who adore you. You are a careful listener to a father whose wisdom you cherish. You are a stable haven for a mommy who needs a “little bunny”. You are a hard worker in the gardens of grandparents.
It seems so trite in this age of information to dote on the “child development” of it all. I know your cognition, imagination, and skill is evolving day to day, nap to nap. Sometimes I catch your growth in my butterfly net, other times it steam rolls me. I am resigned to stand on the road, net in hand, hoping that you offer up a glimpse of the sacred. The oneness of play, the unselfconscious conversation, the autonomy of defiance. I teeter there on the fence, trying not to look for it, who am I kidding – live for it! At the same time trying desperately not to miss it. Perhaps this is the in balance that is parenting. Or perhaps as you stated the other day after waking up and immediately assuming “Downward Dog” on the bed, “Mommy I am using my hands to stabilize myself” – the stabilizer.
What would I be doing with my life if it were not for you? I would be pursuing even more adult activities fraught with results, met expectations and long meeting schedules. Instead you have dogmatically gone about infusing my life with green moments, massive exploration, and more book time than is healthy for anyone. All of this is new to me, and risky because I have to adapt to your instant. It is I who is doing the changing. Together we have rebuilt me over and over again. We tooled me to be the mommy that you needed as an infant, as a baby, as a toddler, as a terrible two, and as Mr. Three. Each re-org has left me steeped in growth, clamoring for more. I should be interminably exhausted from all of this. Instead I feel refreshed, because through all of this change you remain you. The core of Seth is always there, sometimes pushing a different truck, and sometimes with a more articulate sentence structure, but always Seth.
Thanks for a great year of Saturday 2’s!